The Same

This is ridiculous.
This two way game.
I can’t play your way,
But you do the same.

I've been warned.
Told of who you are and what to be wary of.
Overtake my head and drive me down
into a cave of blatant disreguard.
No.

Delicious confusion
melting over my tongue
like you're
pulling the strings
and captivating
every part of me.

Who is this
person I've become
when I can't even
go on without
amplifying craziness
like I'm throwing it
off a freeway bridge
onto passing cars below.

What the fuck are you doing to me?
Tell me, please, I can decide
if I even want to be here

Who do you think you are?
You keep me waiting
and I hate it and love it
and I'm dying to know you.

How I Feel

I don't know how to be more honest
than looking in your eyes
and think of how I feel
about what I see inside
I don't know where to run
but I'm trying not to hide
I'm keeping it together
but just falling apart
and even though I have so much
my tears are all I've got
and how I feel so cold deep down
but eyes are burning hot
It seems it's come full circle
it happens every time
so quick between emotions
heartache from sublime
And from the bottom of this pit
I'm trying hard to climb
You've always been beside me
to save me from myself
and though I never asked for it
you always gave me help
one way or another
and grateful's how I felt
I'm sad to see this on the edge
while so much is at stake
our memories, my fantasies
they're all about to break
Sorry, if I seem desperate
but at least I am not fake
So know that when you look at me
that everything is real
My eyes, my heart, my soul, all parts
and especially
how I feel.

Brutal

Brutal, you're like a contusion or open wound.

Sweet

The way you feel is so sweet, when I touch you, I need to lick my fingertips.

Another Way, Another Day

Another way
another day
to simply sail against the time
advance the rhyme
to something that has never
burned or betrayed anyone
since love first speckled one's own cheeks
and sent me reeling toward the door of chaos
bruised and sent beyond the frame of my own mind
to the point
where I can't even speak.

Another way
another day
to keep my verging on forever
and basking in the sunlight
of a bruised and broken soul.

A Better Way

Trudged through the alleyways
My feet giving out from under me
Lying on the cold, wet pavement, a mist over comes the city
Thick and sticky, feeling like the only way I could escape would to be to claw my way through
But it's easier than that
There's always a better way than first instinct
But it could take a lifetime or longer to realize it

Allow

I tried to do everything
I tried to allow
the things I don't expect
to make this right somehow.

Lamb

Sacrificial lamb,

so sweet,

I led myself to slaughter.

I chose to deny 

sanctity,

and drowned in angry water.

Contusion, bruising,

penalty;

I borught this on myself.

But there's still

a part of me

that like's to think you helped.

I Try

I try

to sit here and just comprehend

the valid form of 

wasting

the better part of my whole life,

while you deny

that even

though I'm not accessible,

you can't go on.

How Many Times

How many times

can I tell myself

to stop living life

with my heart?

Every time it's a mistake.

Mistake after mistake.

Time and time again.

I swear that

this time

everything will be different.

I promised

and failed you every single time.

Disproving

my theory on how I should live.

Here it comes again,

the wave that takes me down

and holds me there.

How many times

can I tell myself

to stop living life

with my heart?

Every time it's a mistake.

Mistake after mistake.

Time and time again.

You told me

you wanted to experience

the freedom

of being so irrational.

And I tried

to explain everything I could.

Here it comes again,

talking myself in circles,

not making sense.

How many times

can I tell myself

to stop living life

with my heart?

Every time it's a mistake.

Mistake after mistake.

Time and time again.

Confusing

I told you from the start

Accusing

that you would break my heart

time and time again

How many times

can I tell myself

to stop living life

with my heart?

Every time it's a mistake.

Mistake after mistake.

Time and time again.

You Can't

You can't

tell me who I really am

because

your point

isn't to validate

my current state of unraveling

with these

silk screens

of memories and hopes and dreams

cluttering up my psyche.

But you,

you can't

bring yourself to

properly respond

to drunken txts I sent.

Why do we keep pushing 

ourselves in circles?

Circles, circles, spin around.

Fling about this discontent.

Thanks for treating me

like it was all a waste.

Don't reply.

You can't

do anything but tell me

that my voice is almost heard.

That it's ok with you.

You're not the same.

You can't change.

Why?

And Nothing More

Simplicity

filtered through an angry mind

never does itself well.

Uncertain

and blaming my stupid heart;

it's always the cause

of nothing but

bereavement and regret.

And nothing more.

And nothing more.

Oh, foolish

day dream on a rainy day

traps me into fantasy

I can't shake off.

An urge builds

to empty every

piece of me

onto the floor

and curse-ed tendrils

come to save a 

sorrowed soul that

drifts into normalcy.

Leave A Mark

Trace the

lines that

do exist

and

show yourself

you're really

here

and

leave a mark

of something

there

and

prove it's

nothing

more than myth.

Make Due

When time falls away

and you know that it's broken

you cry

cause before it's like you never noticed

the seconds that were slowly ticking away

it hurts and you're frozen

in the moment, you stay

It's a while before somebody comes to wake you

and they tell you

"you've got to stand up and make due"

So you think that it's over

and you're back on the clock

and you fight

and you're numb

but your heart has been blocked

There's still all those people 

who come to your side

but you say

that you're better

because you want to hide

so you blind them to you

cause you're scared of your thought

sooned or later

you know

you'll get caught

Untitled

I gave you million

reasons

not to trust me.

But you did it blindly

every time I

shut myself down.

I wanted to thank you

and instead

just ignored it.

Wonder

This reflection that I see across the way refuses to look at me.

I try to attract his attention but he does not notice my presence.

Is this how I view myself?

Out of the way?

Can I see myself, ever?

Then I begin to wonder if anyone has ever noticed who I really am or if they just see my reflection.

That person I know exists but fails to acknowledge me.

If I waved my arms and jumped up and down, I am sure he would still ignore me.

And while my hand goes through the glass with anger, my lips gently curl upward in the wake of my victory.

I've adopted a mantra now.

If you refuse to acknowledge I exist, I will break you whether it be your spirit, your heart, your success or the world in which you live.

I also wonder if that's too cruel to inflict on everyone.

Perhaps, I will simply or not so simply force those who deny my claim on this earth to let me know they know I am here.

My draining facial expressions don't help me much though.

Maybe my comprehension of this world is jaded.

I should pull myself out of my hat, remove my misconceptions from the back burner, and confront them.

Throw them in my own face and battle them until they are dead, dying on the steps of my mind where I can lock the door and leave them outside in the cold to wander away and possibly bury themselves into the minds of others who must learn to fight them and conquer them alone.

Like I will most likely have to eventually.

But first, I must be willing to face these demons and remove these skeletons from my closet.

Lead them to the exit sign above my own third eye.

I wonder if I will ever fully commit to myself, to this war that I know must begin.

Until that day, I shall force myself upon the universe that cannot see me standing here as I am.

I wonder if I will have to change myself.

I wonder if I do so, will anybody recognize me anymore?

What Is

How could you have lied

while I really tried

to work thought this

to make you my own

couldn't you have changed,

maybe rearranged

what you thought

true love really was?

Never asked for too much

just your gentle touch

but I guess

that was too much to ask

The End

I've spent this all this time away

after we became just friends

and now we're hanging out again

when I was so close to the end

The end of what I'm going through,

the end of what I felt

and now it's starting all over again

with you making me melt.

I don't want to feel this heartbreak

after everything that's done

you brought this was upon me

and easily you won.